Tuesday, 10 July 2007

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*WARNING: i might write a lot. bear with me.
Concidently, 4 out of the 5 photos i'm posting here are green which was the colour for 'live earth' on 07.07.07 (that's 7 days from my birthday... hint hint..) I then realised, i don't have a single green shirt. (probably looks bad on me) Well, 3 word we gotta say 'answer the call' and not just that act it out. and I recently saw:

US$1,853 is the average value of scrapbooking suppiles the average scrapbooker owns.

wow... been wondering how much i've bought so far and I have absloutely no time to scrap. So much things coming on to me, just makes me feel more and more depressed. I feel like letting go everything after looking my own results. everythings feel so bad around me. its like i'm having no meaning to do anything i'm working on. I can't focus at all. I can't simile, laugh or do anything with pure joy. and i couldn't even get myself to scrap. No meaning or what so ever. Feeling so low. Miss yeo once said... life have its ups and downs. whenever you're feeling really low. you might be at your peak the next moment. but its just not happening to me.

Just thursday and friday, i went for a swimming competition, taking up the challenge for freestyle 50m and on friday, 100m. And boy, the 50m freestyle position i had in wasn't good at all. (the numbers are sensitive to be preview here and certainly, its a large number.) and worse, on fridays, i was disqualified. and i have no idea WHY. Thanks swim mate for your comfort, it did made me feel much better. Perhaps, i should put all this aside.
I constantly ask myself, " Why swimming?" perhaps, i'm tired creating and expressing myself for the past 4 years in art club? (hey, i did had loads of fun.) "Am I just up to it?", "could it change my life" . And it did, it made my life feel worse. being defeated in swimming. Everyone laughed and some utterly shocked when i told them i am in swimming. For all CCAs, I told them with confidence YES. But now, i felt totally at a loss, think that my choices i've made so far was worth it or not.
Just on a happier note: amelene would have been drooling if she was there. EVERYTHING was MILO. The shirts people are wearing are milo, the fan given for the hot day had milo, the barrier had yes, been by MILO. She would have called it 'heaven' when she sees that large cold milo truck come to the pool. The cup we drink milo had the logo, 'milo' and i drank more cups than the picture you see up there. Just to test myself if i still am COLD MILO TOLERANT, and gladly, i could drink many cups of it without running to the toilet. Hmm... should have stolen a few milo shirts and the umbrella (the first photo) or maybe the metal barrier for amelene. LOL!
And here is the people who had competed in the competition. Amazingly nice and fun people to know. and we had 2 relays gong to the finals for today and tomorrow! yay!!!!! Best of luck.
On friday, gersh called suddenly and wanted to meet me and shar that night. I was feeling really low but was so happy to meet them. And we couldn't decided where to go, so we went to changi airport (yes you here me right) to see the planes. but we didn't get to watch any of them. cause we couldn't find the viewing section. we went to a resturant instead. and gersh and I each 'took turns' pouring our feelings while the rest listen. it was a really sad night, listen to each other sad feelings when things just doesn't come your way. and thanks ppl for listening. we all have our problems. (CCA and block tests results stuffs.) just hoping they could depart soon. I watched the departure timings and destinations and just had this great feeling over me to buy 3 tickets to fly off to somewhere and leave everything behind and come back once we got over it. wow. that thought wouldn't happen, but at least it did make me feel better. a bit.

and now, its tuesday... i'm feeling worse than ever.
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